Kaylee & Moss

God has blessed us with incredible friends. Friends who support us in life's challenges and joys and who have become uncles and aunts to our kids. Moss and Sammei are two of these friends.
A couple of weekends ago, we were at Moss and Sammei's home. Kaylee walked up to Moss, crawled onto the chair, and sat down beside him. They sat for quite a while.
Precious...
Thank you God for the friends that you have placed around us. For the friends that encourage us spiritually and for those who have loved on our children. Bless these friends as they have so blessed us. In Jesus' name...

Cole Wants More

All Smiles

Today Kaylee and Cole were all smiles!

Summer...We're Ready, pt. 2

We blogged that we were ready for summer clear back on March 7th. We had a few days of 70's weather that wet our appetite before the temps plummeted downward. I think...that summer is finally on its way.
The gardens are all planted. Yes we added another little garden this year for the squash,zucchini, and watermelon. Since their vines are so crazy, we wanted to give them plenty of space and not have to worry about the mowing issues.
The grass is planted. We had trouble with grass growing under out bradford pear tree. Now that the bradford pear is gone, their is a huge area of erosion in the front yard. We had to rake up the dirt and plant the seed.
The flower beds are doing well. Of course they need some tender loving care frequently.
Last but not least - the swimming pool! Michael is finishing it up as we speak. We had about 3 feet of gross in the pool that had to be drained. Then the sides had to be scrubbed down. Next we will start adding the cool, clear, clean water! In the years past we have started swimming the first of May!! The kids are SO excited. Chad has talked for several days about how it is time for him to "pull out his tricks" - all the cool things that he can do in the swimming pool.

Church Music Program Videos

Chad's class performed two numbers but he got hidden on the back row for the 2nd song. They are pretending to be polar bears on the first skit.

Kaylee spent almost the whole program watching her favorite teacher - Miss Kelly.

Church Music Program

Chad Makes Cole Laugh

Fireman Chad

If you have been following Chad's story, you will realize just how awesome this is. We were so proud of him for wanting to do this!

Cole's Tricks

Cole has been doing different sign language and actions for a while. He is having trouble keeping them all straight though.

Cole Says DaDa

I am behind on videos! Cole started saying Dada just minutes before this video.

God's Timing

God's timing amazes me. Why after nine years have I felt compelled to start blogging about grief support?? Truly, why now?

Tonight, I was on Facebook checking out the latest on my friends and family. I came across a status update of a college friend who was a groomsman in our wedding. He was thanking everyone for their support. Due to hidden posts, I had missed that our friend had lost his 15 year old son due to a traffic accident. I immediately got on the phone and called him. The funeral was just today even though the accident happened last Tuesday.

I explained to our friend that we had lost Tara nine years ago and that I totally understood what they were going through. In the conversation, I said that I had some books to suggest and different things that had helped us if he wanted them. I just finished sending some of the info he asked for.

Want to know what is crazy - I had all of the notes and info on the computer stand in front of me. I could immediately start typing because I had gotten out my "grief" folder this morning to blog about support.

God has been preparing me to support our friend and his wife.

Dear Lord, I ask that you hold Matt and Evelyn tonight. Come around them like never before. I pray that you would surround them with people who will support them in ways that are unique to their situation. Lord, I pray that You will use this tragic situation to glorify You. In Jesus' name...

Happy 35th Anniversary

Happy 35th Anniversary Papa and Grams!

We love you!!

More Support

I wanted to create a list of things that people gave us after losing Tara that were very meaningful or helpful:

Money toward her scholarship - Pay it Forward!
Trees - especially those that flower in the spring
Flowers or plants - those that can be planted outside
Gideon Bibles
Stamps - we sent out 1000's of thank you notes
Toilet paper, Reynolds wrap, saran wrap - you aren't prepared for this so you never know what people are out of
Cleaning/kitchen help - my aunts took over the kitchen and all of the food that needed attending to. Most of it they immediately put into the freezer.
Give pizza gift certificates (where delivery is available) - these can be used whenever
Tear Necklace - A friend gave this necklace to mom. She never takes it off.
Christmas tree ornmaments
Angels
Anything with pictures of the loved one

Visit 2 weeks after, when the shock has worn off, other people have moved on, but the pain is just becoming real. To help you do this bring food in non-disposable dishes - explain that you will come back in a couple of weeks to get the dishes, the visit to get the dishes are so appreciated.

9 Years

Today is the day. You hold your breath because you know that it is coming. A simply reminder that Tara truly is gone and life has gone on.

Mom had two people contact her yesterday to let her know that they were thinking of her - a phone call and a visitor. The visitor was a lady who lost her son (a classmate of my brothers) just 11 months after we lost Tara. She came out to visit mom. I happened to be home the day Ben passed away. I went home for spring break. Mom wanted to go in and see this family and I went with her for support. I will never forget the look on these two Moms' eyes when they met. Ben's mom suddenly understood what Mom had gone through and Mom totally understood what Ben's mom was going through. There was a connect between these ladies like no other. These moms have known each other for years but that was as far as it went. Now, they lean on each other for support.

Supportive - I wrote last time about remembering each year the date. It has been my experience that it is best to call, email, or write the person the day or two before the date. Let me explain why. On the actual date, you live in fear of your emotions. You aren't really sure what you will do because you aren't prepared for what people will say. Let me tell you - people say some really dumb stuff. So, I believe that you guard yourself because of this fear. When people call before the date, you are not guarded and can really appreciate the thoughts and concerns that they share.

Easter Pictures

Another Picture...

9 Beautiful Arrangements

Many of you know that last fall I co-lead an "Interrupted Expectations" class at our church. It was a very difficult thing to do but so incredibly rewarding. I was faced with thoughts and emotions that I didn't want to deal with again but yet I knew I needed to deal with so that others could heal and in turn I would continue to heal.
While in this class, I realized that the feelings I had had for the past 8 years, since losing Tara, were normal and real. Up until this point, I had not been around people who had lost like we had. Sure I have been around people who have lost a parent, grandparents, etc but it isn't the same as losing a vibrant 18 year old. I was blessed to be around people who were real with their feelings - happy, sad, and angry feelings. It made me realize just how those who haven't gone through it, don't get it. I thought that people understood until I realized just how much I had suppressed my feelings.
Speaker and author Dr. Gary Oliver says that it is our job as grievers to teach those who haven't been there. We have to help them understand what it helpful and what is not helpful. Dr. Oliver goes as far as to tell a person "that statement that you just said was not supportive."
I have decided that it is time for me to do some blogs about "supportive" and "not supportive". One more example of Tara's death not being in vain.

Example #1 - Just four days before her accident, Tara attended her senior prom with a sweet boy. They had not been dating long and so we didn't know him well yet. But, he treated her good and we looked forward to getting to know him better. He was one of the pallbearers. His family has done something that no one else has done. Every year around the 19th of April, Mom and Dad get a flower arrangement. Yes, even 9 years later. Mom received it yesterday at school. Included is a card that tells a memory of Tara. This card talked about Tara's love for the colors pink and green. Supportive or not supportive? You can answer that one...

Flower arrangement or card or email. Doesn't matter. Send that friend or relative a note letting them know that you are thinking of them. Include a memory that you have about the person they lost. All it takes is writing the date down on your calendar every year. And then, don't stop after the first year. Keep going. It will take you five minutes to do but it will be on the recipients mind for days, weeks, and years.

God Bless the "S" family for blessing our family year after year simply by remembering.

2 Teeth

I forgot to mention that Cole also added his top two teeth this weekend bringing the grand total to 4!!!
Cole is starting to show more personality. Everyone who sees him comments on his big blue eyes and beautiful smile. Little man also has one mean temper. This is showing more and more as he doesn't get his way. Mommy's job is to try and curve this temper! The problem is that Mommy wasn't really looking for another job :)
Cole has most adorable "Lane Frost" wave. If you have seen the movie "8 Seconds", you will understand this.
Cole has started getting his "tricks" confused. He is unsure of when he is supposed to wave, raise his arms for so big, and bring his hands together for more. We are working on getting this problem corrected!
Cole also has developed a very loud "ah". It is becoming a big problem as it has quite a harsh sound to it. Thankfully, Cole started using a paci 3 weeks ago (I know!) and that has helped in the most dire times. He is definitely our loudest baby.

Oh My Contacts!

Since being at Grams' house, Kaylee has been having contact problems. While sitting at the table, Kaylee's hand will go to her eye and we hear "oh my contact". When questioned about this, Kaylee put the full blame on Grams. Grams said that Kaylee was very attentive while Grams put in or took out her contacts.

Easter Pictures

No words needed...

"Happy Family!!"

Easter

We had a wonderful Easter with my family. The kids participated in 3 Easter egg hunts as well as a Easter program through Aunt Jennifer's church. There they made the Easter Story cookies, sang songs, and had a petting zoo. They had a lot of fun.

We had an early celebration of Grams and Papa's 35th anniversary. We enjoyed eating out together.

On Easter Sunday, we celebrated together at Aunt Connie's. Several cousins and greats were unable to attend but it is always fun to be together.

Over the weekend Cole perfected his wave and said "Da Da" for the first time. He continues to love Papa and gets really excited when Papa walks by.

Aunt Jennifer has developed a neat relationship with Chad. They have pet names for each other. Charlie (Jennifer) and Fred (Chad) will miss each other but enjoy talking on the phone together. We gave a name to Kaylee as well but it is harder for her to say - Magdalena Paprika!

Mommy got a little frustrated over the lack of enthusiasm in Easter pictures. I will post what we have later.

Cole

Grief Around Easter

Easter is always a hard time for our family. The remembrance and celebration of the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior can get shadowed by reliving each moment nine years ago that Tara died. Nine years ago on the 19th. Nine years ago, that specific weekend happened to be Easter weekend.
Suddenly we found ourselves burying our precious and then the next day we were supposed to be rejoicing for Easter Sunday. If truth be known, if I would have had more tears, I would have continued to bawl my eyes out the whole service. Thankfully, the pool of tears does dry up after a while.
So, here we are with Easter close at hand once more. Another reminder that time does continue to travel by with or without Tara with us.

I received our Focus on the Family magazine a couple of weeks ago. I enjoy reading the articles and always find something to tuck away in the corner of my mind. This month, an article hit home a little more than usual.
The article was about grieving during Easter. The author talked about how a dear friend lost their son during the Easter holiday. It put a damper on the celebration each year. But...what she said next really hit me. It is the story of Easter that allows us to be able to grieve with Hope! If it were not for the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, the grief of losing Tara would be unbearable. It is the Easter story that allows me to rest in the knowledge that my goodbye to Tara is not forever. Praise God!

More Weekend Pictures

Family Birthday Bash

For the past 3 days, we have been celebrating Michael's parents' birthday - Grandpa's on Thursday and Grandma's today. Uncle Marc and his friend Kuan surprise them and flew in. The boys have been planning for months the activities. Although the weather didn't cooperate each day, we enjoyed the time that we had together. Here are some pictures:

Uncle Marc and Chad jumping on the trampoline

Ready to blow out candles!

Weigh In

At Cole's last checkup, his weight was only 17 lbs 3 oz. Today at the doctor he was 18 lbs 5 oz. That is 1 lb 2 oz difference in 3 weeks! Yeah! I have been giving him some formula in a sippy up after he eats and that must be helping!

Found out that Chad is having some allergy problems so he is going to join Mommy on some zyrtec and nasal spray for a while to see if that helps. He has been suffering for about 3 weeks. Hopefully this will stop his nose from a constant run.